You grew up to your mom convincing you that you couldn’t make others like you, and you should be yourself; and of course you believed her, because moms are always right. And well, she was right about the second part, but turns out that according to Robin Dreeke you can actually manipulate people into liking you. HA! Who knew?
Robin was head of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Program and has studied interpersonal relations for over 27 years. He’s an expert on how to make people like you, you only need to follow these steps:
1) Reserve judgment
This one seems obvious, but it is an essential part of getting people to like you. Dreeke advises you, “Seek someone else’s thoughts and opinions without judging them… it doesn’t mean you agree with someone.” When you want people to like you, you have to understand that you need to make them feel comfortable and supported. Rather than judging their opinions, hear them out and try to understand their viewpoint. It doesn’t mean you agree, it means you respect them, which will lead to them being more likely to like you.
2) Set aside your ego
You don’t have to correct everyone and you don’t always have to be right. “Ego suspension is putting your own needs, wants, and opinions aside.” However, it isn’t as easy as it seems. You have to make the decision to suspend your ego and follow through. “Consciously ignore your desire to be correct and to correct someone else.” Let them have their opinion and their opportunity. Contradicting someone is going to just break down the bond you are trying to create. “When people hear things that contradict their beliefs, the logical part of their mind shuts down and their brain prepares to fight,” says BUTWT. Making a valiant effort to understand someone will build the bond.
3) Use curiosity
Allow your curiosity to help the flow of the conversation. Ask people about their opinions and ideas, about what is happening behind the scenes in their life, and they will begin to appreciate you more. “Research shows just asking people to tell you what they think makes you more likable and gets them to want to help you,” according to BUTWT. Tips on active listening include acknowledgement of what the person you are engaging with has to say, and using snippets of what they said in your conversation as you continue the talk. Don’t sit and wait for your turn to talk if you want people to like you. Take a genuine interest in their life and their story. Hey, you might even learn a few things.
4) Practice your body language
“The number one thing is you’ve gotta smile. You absolutely have to smile. A smile is a great way to engender trust.” Be physically open as you stand. Don’t cross your arms. Be welcoming. When you want someone to like you, you need to position your body in a way that is welcoming and will encourage them to trust you more. “Keep your palms up,” says Dreeke, because it will help them realize you are listening and understanding them without you having to say so.
5) Ask about challenges
Encourage the person you are speaking with to open up to you. “Everyone has challenges,” explains Dreeke. Asking someone about the most challenging part of their week or day is what “gets people to share what their priorities in life are at that point in time.” It will also help you to understand them a little more and show that you care and that you want to be there to support them.